Dads play a vital role in bringing up their children, who benefit from having a positive relationship. Rachel Reynolds gives fathers some practical tips on becoming more involved with their children.

Nowadays, fathers want to be more involved and, in fact, are able to be more involved with their children. With the drive towards longer paternity leave, flexibility in working hours to take time to care for children and an increase in celebrity ‘hands on’ dads who are seen enjoying the company of their children, the role of the father is becoming increasingly valued. In as much as we talk about the involvement of dads, in reality families are very diverse and have a range of household arrangements. The men who play an important role in children’s lives include, amongst others, biological fathers, stepfathers, uncles and grandfathers. As such, the term “dad” includes these significant others who play an important role in children’s lives.

It is reported that fathers are now responsible for one third of all parental care of children, which is eight times more than 30 years ago. With more mums in work outside the home, fathers’ relationships with their children are more important than ever. Fathers play a more visibly active role with their children and their involvement has been shown to have a positive impact on their children’s lives. For example, research has indicated that when dads are actively involved with their children, including their learning and education, their children benefit emotionally, socially, educationally and behaviourally. For example children are likely to:

• Have better relationships with their friends, which continues throughout their lives.
• Be happier in themselves.
• Do better at school and in their exams.
• Have less contact with the police and/or be less likely to be involved in crime.
  

(Taken from the National Service Framework for Children, Young People & Maternity Services, 2004; p69.)

Being a parent – regardless of whether you’re a mum or a dad – can be a challenge. It’s not always easy to know what to do when spending time with children, and if mum is the main caregiver, dads may feel less experienced, knowledgeable and able in providing care for their children. What’s great is that many dads do feel confident about looking after their children and mums are equally aware of their partner’s parenting abilities. In an Equal Opportunities Commission poll in October 2005, over 60 per cent of mothers felt that their partner was as confident as they were when caring for their child. Fewer mums today consider caring for their children to be solely their responsibility – the reality is that you can be a parent in many ways.

With a growing number of dads getting more involved in the care and education of their young children today, it is quite normal for fathers to experience uncertainty as to exactly how to spend time with their kids. This might be related to your own experiences of being parented, perhaps with your own fathers having worked long hours and/or growing up in a culture where full-time mothers did the majority of the child caring. The truth is that, sometimes, every parent needs a bit of a helping hand when it comes to engaging with their children and becoming more involved with their children’s learning and development.

So, if you’re a dad or father figure, or you know someone who is, here are a few suggestions for activities that dads and their children can enjoy together:

• Share an interest or hobby with your child. If you enjoy gardening, then ask your child to help you. They will love to be responsible for small jobs such as raking leaves, planting seeds or watering the garden – helping them learn about nature. If you like DIY, then give your child tasks to help you like sandpapering a piece of wood – learning about texture and materials.
• Take part in a sporting activity. Children are very active and this is a great way for them to expend some of their energy and have fun. If you like swimming, it is a great way of spending time together – you can help your child be confident in water and help them develop good habits, which will lead to a healthy life. Going for a walk is also fun, particularly when your children can splash about in puddles in their wellies! Most towns have public spaces you can explore – like parks and gardens with ponds, lakes or rivers where you can normally feed ducks – a fun learning experience for your child.
• Visit the local library. The majority of libraries have dedicated children’s spaces with a great selection of age-appropriate books. Let your child choose their own books and then at bedtimes, rainy days or whenever you want to spend time with your child, you can read together. Encourage your child to make up stories about the pictures in a book or make up stories yourself – the important thing is that you are developing your children’s listening and speaking skills, which contribute to their reading and writing abilities when they start school.
• Join a local fathers and children group. Your area may have a playgroup that runs sessions specifically for fathers at weekends. These are great places for dads to spend time with their children – you’ll get support from other dads and an array of activities in a great social context. Children can mix with other children and see their parents developing friendships with other adults – a great way of developing your children’s social skills.
• Get involved in your child’s early years group. Although dads may feel cautious about being a father in a largely female environment, more and more fathers are taking the time to visit their children’s early years environment and getting involved with their learning. Dads get the opportunity to see the types of activities and learning experiences their child is involved in and you can guarantee that children will feel really proud that their dad has come to see where they play.
  

These activities are great learning opportunities for children and they can give both mums and dads the space to build positive relationships with their children. Children like spending time with their parents and it shows them how important they are to their parents. As a parent, being interested and involved conveys to children that they are worthy of having time and energy spent on them. Fathers’ active interest and involvement in all aspects of their children’s life and development really does matter to their children. In an increasingly complex world it is becoming more of a challenge for children growing up, and the relationships they develop with their parents – both mums and dads – are likely to be even more important than ever.

Some practical tips for dads to be more involved with their children:

Parent and toddler groups

Parent and toddler or ‘Stay and Play’ groups meet for a few hours during the day and parents or carers stay for the whole session with their young children (usually aged under three). As with most early years groups, most parents who go are likely to be mums, but these groups are very welcoming to any new parents and their children who want to go. There are also a few father and toddler groups, some of which meet on a Saturday morning, which make it easier for working dads to go. As one dad enthuses:

“I work full-time and hardly have any time during the week with my family. My wife heard about a fathers and toddlers Saturday group and encouraged me to try it out. I went along, a little unsure as to what I would find, but have never looked back. The group meets on a Saturday morning between 8.30-10.30am. My daughter enjoys going to play with her friends, the dads enjoy getting together and – perhaps the biggest selling point of all – our partners get some time to themselves. And we are home by 11.00am, giving us plenty of time to do things together as a family.”

If such a group doesn’t exist near you, you could start one. For ideas on how to do this, why not call the Pre-school Learning Alliance on 0207 697 2500 for further information?

Pre-schools and nurseries

Children might go to a pre-school or nursery in the care of trained staff for perhaps a few hours each day or for the whole day. Many pre-schools and nurseries encourage parents to become volunteers in their regular sessions. More dads are volunteering in their children’s group and find that their children really enjoy having them around and that it is a special time for them to see their children. As one volunteer dad comments:

“Because I was working full-time when my boys were growing up, I did not have a chance to c  get involved in their pre-school. In fact, I was often working such long hours that I only saw them before they got up or after they had gone to bed. However, that has all been different with my daughter. My part-time youth work has allowed me to join the parents’ rota in her pre-school. In fact, I used to come in once a week – on my day off – and became a ‘helping hand’, as they call the parents on their rota. I loved the opportunity to see what my daughter was getting up to.”

If you are able to volunteer, some groups have a booklet explaining how everything works and what volunteers might be expected to do. Even if this is not the case, the set-up will be explained to you and staff will no doubt try to accommodate your needs with how their setting operates. Many pre-schools and nurseries hold introductory sessions before a child starts at the group that parents can go to and then, once a child has started, you will be able to go to parents’ evenings and special one-off events such as a sports day or festival play. These are great opportunities for parents to become more familiar with their children’s early years group and to get involved. So what are you waiting for?